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June 22nd, 2007
08:35 am
who are we
in our silence
never matching
our awakened state
respectively, missing you and i.
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June 1st, 2007
08:55 am
people have complex relationships.
i can't even write about what i want to write about... because people have complex relationships.
enough about that...
i don't know what to wear for work today. i'm fat-ish.
i get to pick up my check today.
it's friday... so that's a good thing.
oh fucking aye.. shut up, alarm clock!
Current Location: bed
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/angry.gif) bitchy
Current Music: birds n shit
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May 27th, 2007
09:14 pm - thunder and lightning
literally and figuratively.
i am slowly losing my mind. but i guess the same could be said from birth.. or from whatever age your brain stops developing.. or whatever the fuck the technicalities of it all are. my process seems to be slightly sped up these days.
there is a constant knot at the bottom of my throat lately.
and fear. always fear. sickening feelings and fear.
work is ok.
i just had a vision of being on a small but roomy boat..in very hot weather.. with rain. eating some pineapple. speaking with people about uncommon things. preferably in another country.
bye.
Current Location: karrie's parent's computer room
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/confused.gif) confused
Current Music: cpu noise
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May 9th, 2007
08:43 pm
hello there. it's me again. i'm tired. my work week is over. thank god. my favorite book is gone. each day i have thought about it since it's untimely departure. i need to find another one. purchase, rather. it bothers me most. well.. that and the bag. i had it since high school.. it had POOP carved out from the polo sport logo. tears. virtual ones, obviously. i saw arcade fire. they were immense. i want to play music. it always seems like those musicians get to express themselves and shit. just flip the fuck out if they want. dance silly if they want. yell, cry, whatnot. my job doesn't let me do that. well... that's not completely true.. if the elevator is empty.. and i am going express from the first floor to fourteen.. i can bust a couple of moves. mostly i make sure my fly is not down, my hairs are not out of place and my clothing is not bunching or pulling in any unattractive places.
the end.
Current Location: a bed
Current Mood: gnarled
Current Music: karrie's old mix cds and her singing lightly
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May 5th, 2007
01:44 am - back with a vengeance
here i am. i figured, why not. it is very early in the AM.. almost 2. i am awake and pondering where my life has gone. it's here. in a bed. in need of a haircut. abundantly underweight. i got my window fixed. who cares. i'm going to start drinking a lot of water again. i did it today. but i want to do it in a healthy way. water with no food can never be good. except for the part where people tell you that you used to look good way back when. and you know that's the reason why. then you don't care about being unhealthy. really.. all the food i eat is shit anyway. .. maybe it's healther to just eat less. cuz it's eating less shit. my mother said she wants to get rid of my bird. it made me very upset. no one cares about my bird. she's too loud... only cuz she doesn't get enough attention. but no one cares about that either. i wish i was drunk. i wish i was brave. i wish i wasn't so nosy. it gets my mind in trouble.
someone told me i play the victim a lot.. now i am self conscious... i guess i do. i guess i am mostly whining when i write in here. i haven't written in so long. my feelings are never literal enough. makes me seem less interested.
i remember eating at that holiday inn. blizzard of '0forever. you were nervous and wanting to love me.
Current Location: hell
Current Mood: your mom
Current Music: deafening silence
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June 6th, 2006
01:55 am - back in action
i know.. you're thinking... why are you back? i didn't even know you were gone. i don't even KNOW you. or wait.. i think that's the A1 steak sauce commercial. more importantly, i am back. i think am. as of right this minute in the early morning. i guess it's a much needed change from yahoo pool and craigslist. so send me welcome back hellos. or something.
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September 15th, 2004
10:06 pm - spacles
heavy and unclever
inside my stomach
anchors
and weight
just
stuck
just
and always
sticking.
heart flutters
and heart dreams
little secrets wishing
on revelations.
here i dwell
almost negative
not nearly descriptive
empty and passive
and bland and smug
and silly and grey.
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September 13th, 2004
09:03 pm - yes.
I will stop trying to become something I am not.
I will become better at who I am.
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September 7th, 2004
10:57 pm - strange things all the time
what goes on in my head from one day to the next... i don't quite understand it.. never have.. maybe one day i will. maybe one day i'll be happy. what'ya say tanja.. throw me a happy day. just one, hm?
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September 3rd, 2004
10:53 am - whatever
what is there of any interest for me to say these days?? not much.. i haven't really been doing anything all too exciting.. hanging out a bit here and there.. killing myself with this lame new doggy day care job in brooklyn... to get some money.. now i have the most horrid cramps ever. always fun. i am single. it's alright. i've been pretty single the entire summer but now i am really reeeeeeally single. and no going back to school for some sort of variation in life.. nope.. now it's just job hunting.. and drinking.. and smoking.. and trying to hang out and have some form of entertainment to keep from completely falling off the edge. yep.. life is pretty lame for me these days... i've been having these gross and awful dreams about erica.. ugh. i want her out of my head.. it's so strange.. when we were talking i was trying so hard to get her to just leave me alone for a while and now it's like.. she did all this crappy shit to me and i never got the chance to get her to fully understand what an asshole she was. so i dream about her saying evil things to me.. and about me saying evil things to her.. i barely think about her during the day but at night its obviously a completely different story. needs to stop!!
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August 8th, 2004
12:13 pm
remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
-?
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August 4th, 2004
12:50 pm - sex..sex,sex,sex...
 Your Sex Sign is Cancer! You're a total pleaser. One sample of your touch, and anyone is hooked. You're so good that you've gotten people off just with your incredible kissing. You're a bit of a romantic, and you only have sex that's meaningful. Cancer, you are a born pleaser. Few people can resist your passionate, playful allure. An incurable romantic, you adore being courted. You'll do anything for a lover that sends you flowers or love tokens. You like lots of cuddling, touching, and kissing. You are a celebrated kisser. You also like to touch and fondle yourself. Typically, you learned to give yourself pleasure at a very young age. As an adult, you are easily aroused and multi-orgasmic. Mutual masturbation is very satisfying for you. You are extremely aware of your sexual attraction. You telegraph your sensuality with every move you make. You have the most communicative body language of any sign. You are very emotional, and you constantly need an emotional outlet. Frequent sex seems to calm you down. But you are old fashioned, and a quickie is not your style. You prefer long, slow seductions, erotic masasages, and lots of oral sex. What's Your Sex Sign??More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
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August 3rd, 2004
08:18 pm - vibrating words
dreaming smiling
dreaming in motion
dreaming with tears raining
in silence
in spaces between sound
there I find my teacher
there I see my soul
in introspection
in transgression
in transcendence
in
and above it all
i can feel everything that is real
everything that feels
every sense
every sense
every sense
bringing life to myself
bringing a wholeness
feeding on it
living
breathing
on it
in serenity
in solemnity
in humanity
ticking clocks stop
a second is a life
minutes
an indescribable eternity
so forever
so far
i rise over the sun
i speculate on it's vibrating heat
and dance to the beat
spin in time
happy in time
in the real time
no clock's time
musical life time
rhythms, breaks, movements
for love
for me
for giving back to it all
for going back to me
to being only me
to being solely for reaching beyond flesh
and beyond enclosure
into the heart
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July 15th, 2004
02:45 am - that's right folks..
i am officially back. now.. who's missed me?
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02:45 am
In 1980 (the year you were born) |
Jimmy Carter is president of the US
President Carter announces punitive measures and embargos against the USSR in retaliation for the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan
Mount St. Helens in Washington state erupts in a violent blast estimated to be 500 times as powerful as the Hiroshima atomic bomb
Ronald Reagan is elected the 40th US president in a sweeping victory
US Representative Michael O. Myers is expelled from the House for his role in the Abscam scandal
Hewlett-Packard announces release of its first personal computer
Microsoft announces their version of UNIX, Xenix
Christina Ricci, Chelsea Clinton, Venus Williams, Jessica Simpson, Macaulay Culkin, and Jake Gyllenhaal are born
Philadelphia Phllies win the World Series
Pittsburgh Steelers win Superbowl XIV
New York Islanders win the Stanley Cup
The Empire Strikes Back is the top grossing film
"Lady" by Kenny Rogers spends the most time at the top of the US charts
U.S. viewers get caught up in the "Who Shot J.R.?" cliff hanger on the soap opera series, Dallas, which is solved on a November 21 episode, drawing a record numbers of viewers
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April 24th, 2004
01:50 am
i just downloaded all the songs by cat stevens from the movie, harold and maude.. which i must say is an absolutely wonderful movie. of course that's been the only highlight of this day because all ive been doing is creating this fucking book on the computer and now im printing it out and having major difficulties. the printer likes to just cut off the ends of my pages whenever it feels like or print only two colors.. its REALLY great.. piece of shit. anyway.. my brain is toast right now.. but its close.. wednesday is the deadline.. i can make it.
marisa called me 3 times today in a bitchy bitchy mood. it's mostly due to her rag but fucking A,. i tell her im busy.. does she listen? no.. she needs to tell me, over and over, everyday, that it doesnt seem as though im paying enough attention to her that i never see her and that she doesnt even know why shes holding on to "us" anymore.. ok.. i dont know why im bashing on her. it really is all my fault.. im so close to telling her that we cant speak anymore for now but even just thinking of saying that makes me want to cry. i hate this and i hate myself for being such a huge fucking jerk to her. i wish i could be perfect for her but i cant cuz im obviously completely insane and selfish and a wimp and any other degrading word that comes to mind to describe me. ok. now im done. back to printing this SHIT.
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April 14th, 2004
April 13th, 2004
03:04 am
why do i still cry for her?
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April 12th, 2004
01:37 am - bubberbonbie and frimnch,.,.. .
i'm talking to you so fast
that i don't have time to swallow
the spit
collecting on my tongue
patterns of my germs
collect willingly on your cheeks
while i
still verbal
am now
choking
on your stare
my guts are inching their way up
reaching to grasp air
while your gleam smashes into my mind
it creates a rippling of absurdities
a thousand watts of love disintegrate
and my palms sweat off the stains on my conscience
i dive with an invisible hand
to try and touch your skin
but the inertia of my psyche
is like a straight jacket sewn onto my lips
if i am to become what i want to be
i have to tell you this
and i have to say it with unforgiving velocity
you are a strength in me i don't want to live without
and it is my most supreme weakness
not being able to just let you go
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April 10th, 2004
11:12 pm
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
Number, art, religion make their appearances in this "given" world, disembodied phenomena of reified life.
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false_pretenses's journal